EDITED: This piece has been added to after certain events that occurred recently and made me feel as if there was more to be said.
After several decades of life on this earth, I have been to a lot places with several different people involved, celebrating, contemplating, discussing, teach, learning and all other manner of activities, which leads to things called memories. So I want to give my thoughts upon memories and a related topic, legacies. Plus a bonus topic at the end.
As you may be aware, or not, I am in an intimate relationship that is leading to a wedding in October of this year, 2019. Part of what I have done as I am out and about with m’lady, I have taken her past places that were significant to me as I was growing up. When one is at a place, seeing things they remember from some past time, hearing sounds, smelling familiar odors and the like can cause us to reminisce, remember and recall things from days gone by. This may not always be a good thing, as the recall could be of a traumatic, horrifying experience(s). Especially if we haven’t fully processed that experience and put it in a memory cell but have instead allowed it to run amok in the hallways and rooms of our minds. But today is not focused on the things we don’t want to recall, just memories in general. So as I noted, I have tried to take m’lady, or sometimes my daughter past locations that had some place and part in my growing up.
Can you imagine how big a hole in one’s heart occurs when you drive by some location and it is not what it once was? Instead of recalling memories, good or bad, it creates a sort of melancholy and a sense of loss, somehow. Today, that happened. We were down in Detroit, and I decided to try and find the home I recall from my youth where my paternal grandparents resided. I remember it rather distinctly in my mind as to its layout/floor plan and some of the furniture. The exterior is a little more vague but still I remember. However, what occurred as we drove past was instead an overwhelming sense of sadness as this on e home, that was a place of joy and learning and love, had been reduced to nothing. A vacant lot. Dirt and trash and weeds. Gone!
Now, of course, this didn’t erase any of the actual memories. But as a touchstone to aid in recalling events and even some faces, had been erased. And for me, it felt as if some part of me had been taken along the home that once stood there.
Interestingly, some short time later, I would drive by another place where I had lived a significant part of my childhood and find that that home also no longer existed. Not only was the home gone, but much of the property itself appears to have been changed. Again, I had this sense of loss. Why? I am not sure I can fully explain it, but as I mentioned above, that object and how it fit into my life was missing and it made me feel as if maybe some of the things I remember didn’t actually occur, that maybe I had dreamt it all. Of course I know better, still that touchstone, that cue, that connection between what was and the now seems more tenuous and far away.
Luckily, most of the places I have driven by, are still standing. Regardless of whether these are still homes, or the schools are still schools and the businesses are still the same businesses, the memories and the feelings those memories evoke still remain, and so long as there is someone to remember the legacy will live on.
Living on. Legacy. The immortality of our “self,” when we are no longer here to remind and build upon who we are and impact those around us, in our own right. When we leave this plane of existence and move on to whatever may come next, as per your beliefs, there remain those whom we have had an impact upon in some measure, big or small, wonderful and loving or heinous and hateful. What happens to the essence of our spiritual self, our life energy when we die is unknown. Physically we decay and break down, returning our pieces and parts to the universe. That energy, though? If energy does not get destroyed...alas, I am not here to discuss such heady matters. What I do know is that there is a sort of immortality that we are capable of achieving, a life that survives when our corporeal self has ceased. And that is the memories that others have of us and the impact which we had upon their lives.
The words and actions of some certain people have lived on for generations, centuries, millennia even, because of the things they taught or actions that they took. These things may have made them famous or infamous. But they had such an impact upon people that their names, their deeds, their heroics or villainy, their thoughts upon the world around us, or that within us caused people to think and reflect and decide that it was important to share this from generation to generation from then until now.
While we may not do or say something which will have an impact globally and historically, we still make an impact upon those around us. The things we do, the people we help, those we hurt, how we speak and what we say all have some impact upon those around us. Everyday we have the capacity to lift someone up from the depths or push them off of the pinnacle they have reached so far. And for those things we may be cursed or blessed, thanked profusely or vehemently reviled. This is the legacy we leave. This is our immortality- we live on so long as we are remembered. And I believe it is far better to be remembered favorably, because the good we do for someone will more likely be passed on. The action or the words will be passed on to others and more and more people will recall us in a good light and so we continue to live on.
Which brings me to my last point. Recently, my family experienced a very sudden and unexpected loss. This cousin lived five hours away. We had stayed in touch if somewhat intermittently, after reconnecting from a rather lengthy period of no real contact other than some news in passing from some other relative.
On more than one occasion one of said we should go/come visit and the other agreed that the time should be set and the plans should be made but they never did actually come to be. Now, it is impossible for me to see my cousin again in this life. I met her husband and her two sons for the first time ever when I attended her memorial service. This was a man whom she had been married to for almost 40 years. These were two fine men who had been alive for four decades plus some years and had their own families and lives.
Too many times we tell ourselves, I just need more money, I just need more time, I need a break from this, that, or the other and so we put off the visit to a family member or to a friend. We delay and procrastinate and make excuses. And while we hope it never happens, some tragedy befalls this person who has a deep and special meaning to us, and hopefully, we to them, is gone and the memories that could have been made, the laughter and joy and good food and fun times don’t happen. We don’t get to extend our legacy. We don’t get to help our family member or friend become immortal through the stories we share and the life lessons they imparted because those times weren’t shared to make the stories happen, the lessons can’t be taught or learned because the interactions didn’t occur.
So, I close. Reconnect with someone from your past. Rekindle a friendship or bebuild a family relationship. Take that five hour drive or spend that few hundred dollars on a plane ticket and go visit. We physically exist for but a moment in the grand scheme of things. But we may achieve a sense of immortality by how we are remembered. And share more than just stories - revisit places that have affected who you are. Those who love and care about you will appreciate the memories that you share; yes even the not good ones, because they will appreciate that you trust them enough to be vulnerable.
Thanks for your time.
After several decades of life on this earth, I have been to a lot places with several different people involved, celebrating, contemplating, discussing, teach, learning and all other manner of activities, which leads to things called memories. So I want to give my thoughts upon memories and a related topic, legacies. Plus a bonus topic at the end.
As you may be aware, or not, I am in an intimate relationship that is leading to a wedding in October of this year, 2019. Part of what I have done as I am out and about with m’lady, I have taken her past places that were significant to me as I was growing up. When one is at a place, seeing things they remember from some past time, hearing sounds, smelling familiar odors and the like can cause us to reminisce, remember and recall things from days gone by. This may not always be a good thing, as the recall could be of a traumatic, horrifying experience(s). Especially if we haven’t fully processed that experience and put it in a memory cell but have instead allowed it to run amok in the hallways and rooms of our minds. But today is not focused on the things we don’t want to recall, just memories in general. So as I noted, I have tried to take m’lady, or sometimes my daughter past locations that had some place and part in my growing up.
Can you imagine how big a hole in one’s heart occurs when you drive by some location and it is not what it once was? Instead of recalling memories, good or bad, it creates a sort of melancholy and a sense of loss, somehow. Today, that happened. We were down in Detroit, and I decided to try and find the home I recall from my youth where my paternal grandparents resided. I remember it rather distinctly in my mind as to its layout/floor plan and some of the furniture. The exterior is a little more vague but still I remember. However, what occurred as we drove past was instead an overwhelming sense of sadness as this on e home, that was a place of joy and learning and love, had been reduced to nothing. A vacant lot. Dirt and trash and weeds. Gone!
Now, of course, this didn’t erase any of the actual memories. But as a touchstone to aid in recalling events and even some faces, had been erased. And for me, it felt as if some part of me had been taken along the home that once stood there.
Interestingly, some short time later, I would drive by another place where I had lived a significant part of my childhood and find that that home also no longer existed. Not only was the home gone, but much of the property itself appears to have been changed. Again, I had this sense of loss. Why? I am not sure I can fully explain it, but as I mentioned above, that object and how it fit into my life was missing and it made me feel as if maybe some of the things I remember didn’t actually occur, that maybe I had dreamt it all. Of course I know better, still that touchstone, that cue, that connection between what was and the now seems more tenuous and far away.
Luckily, most of the places I have driven by, are still standing. Regardless of whether these are still homes, or the schools are still schools and the businesses are still the same businesses, the memories and the feelings those memories evoke still remain, and so long as there is someone to remember the legacy will live on.
Living on. Legacy. The immortality of our “self,” when we are no longer here to remind and build upon who we are and impact those around us, in our own right. When we leave this plane of existence and move on to whatever may come next, as per your beliefs, there remain those whom we have had an impact upon in some measure, big or small, wonderful and loving or heinous and hateful. What happens to the essence of our spiritual self, our life energy when we die is unknown. Physically we decay and break down, returning our pieces and parts to the universe. That energy, though? If energy does not get destroyed...alas, I am not here to discuss such heady matters. What I do know is that there is a sort of immortality that we are capable of achieving, a life that survives when our corporeal self has ceased. And that is the memories that others have of us and the impact which we had upon their lives.
The words and actions of some certain people have lived on for generations, centuries, millennia even, because of the things they taught or actions that they took. These things may have made them famous or infamous. But they had such an impact upon people that their names, their deeds, their heroics or villainy, their thoughts upon the world around us, or that within us caused people to think and reflect and decide that it was important to share this from generation to generation from then until now.
While we may not do or say something which will have an impact globally and historically, we still make an impact upon those around us. The things we do, the people we help, those we hurt, how we speak and what we say all have some impact upon those around us. Everyday we have the capacity to lift someone up from the depths or push them off of the pinnacle they have reached so far. And for those things we may be cursed or blessed, thanked profusely or vehemently reviled. This is the legacy we leave. This is our immortality- we live on so long as we are remembered. And I believe it is far better to be remembered favorably, because the good we do for someone will more likely be passed on. The action or the words will be passed on to others and more and more people will recall us in a good light and so we continue to live on.
Which brings me to my last point. Recently, my family experienced a very sudden and unexpected loss. This cousin lived five hours away. We had stayed in touch if somewhat intermittently, after reconnecting from a rather lengthy period of no real contact other than some news in passing from some other relative.
On more than one occasion one of said we should go/come visit and the other agreed that the time should be set and the plans should be made but they never did actually come to be. Now, it is impossible for me to see my cousin again in this life. I met her husband and her two sons for the first time ever when I attended her memorial service. This was a man whom she had been married to for almost 40 years. These were two fine men who had been alive for four decades plus some years and had their own families and lives.
Too many times we tell ourselves, I just need more money, I just need more time, I need a break from this, that, or the other and so we put off the visit to a family member or to a friend. We delay and procrastinate and make excuses. And while we hope it never happens, some tragedy befalls this person who has a deep and special meaning to us, and hopefully, we to them, is gone and the memories that could have been made, the laughter and joy and good food and fun times don’t happen. We don’t get to extend our legacy. We don’t get to help our family member or friend become immortal through the stories we share and the life lessons they imparted because those times weren’t shared to make the stories happen, the lessons can’t be taught or learned because the interactions didn’t occur.
So, I close. Reconnect with someone from your past. Rekindle a friendship or bebuild a family relationship. Take that five hour drive or spend that few hundred dollars on a plane ticket and go visit. We physically exist for but a moment in the grand scheme of things. But we may achieve a sense of immortality by how we are remembered. And share more than just stories - revisit places that have affected who you are. Those who love and care about you will appreciate the memories that you share; yes even the not good ones, because they will appreciate that you trust them enough to be vulnerable.
Thanks for your time.
