Midnight Rambler(ing)

I have had the idea to write something for the last several months, but either something comes up and I don’t get around to put thought to keyboard, or my train of thought has taken a side railing when I was distracted and I have lost that cargo.

So, while I attempt to elicit sleep from the maelstrom that is my mind, I thought I would put down whatever randomness pops into my head.  With a little luck, maybe I will find some of my lost idea shipments and can list them as reminders for future rumination.

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I find it rather maddening that we have been able to keep histories, and make art, and do all of these wonderful things that we as a species call civilization.  We make rules of etiquette and have standards of politeness and we have been refining these things and developing a deeper understanding of the universe around us for six millennia, and yet, within the last few decades, it seems instead of progress in how to be civil and humane, much of our species appear to have regressed to some much earlier state, where even the slightest difference is grounds for utter contempt and derision.  

How?  Why?  Not a single one of us is exactly as another.  Be it appearance, thought, manner, anything.  We may have many similarities but we are all unique.

I understand that we place a lot of stock in the opinions and beliefs we hold.  For many of us, our understanding not only of the world, but who we are and are place in that world, our ego, is tied up in those beliefs and opinions.  However, no belief should ever be so sacrosanct that it cannot be held up to question.  This isn’t due to doubt.  This isn’t being unfaithful.  It is a natural and acceptable method for ensuring that our understanding of (insert belief here) is tested and refined with the information that is out there.  That information may reinforce what we have believed and support our opinion; but it also may, and there should be no regret or condemnation when this occurs, alter our beliefs and opinions when new information presents itself.  This is natural and normal and healthy.  

Getting pissed off because information somehow contradicts your long held and dear beliefs is not healthy.  Despising others because they have alternate beliefs and feelings and thoughts is not civilized.  Stagnation is slow death.  Learning and being able to weigh the facts, as well as the opinions of others, and conducting independent research to verify these facts and ideas is GROWTH and is LIVING.

Remember all those essays you wrote in school and you would invariably get back notes from your teacher; compare and contrast, compare and contrast!  That is seeing the world.  Compare and contrast what you think you know with all that is out there and be just a little more open and welcoming of others.  

Tolerance does not equate to agreement.  You do not have to agree with another’s opinions or beliefs.  You are welcome to disagree with anyone and everyone.  Tolerance dictates that even in the most diametrically opposite beliefs, those opposites can still be civil in tongue, polite in action, and caring of another living, sentient being, while still hotly debating the differences they hold and the whys of those differences.

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Friends are awesome.  I am talking true friends.  Those few people whom you know are going to be there for you on your worst day.  Those wonderful souls who are family; not because they are somehow biologically or legally related to you (though they could also be that as well), but because you chose them and they chose you.

I know that regardless of any differing opinions (see above), we will still have a bond that is nigh impossible to break, sans any disloyalty or the like.  Gaps of time, of distance matter not.  We may even grow apart some.  But should need arise, I would be there for my friends and they there for me.

To my friends; thank you for being my brothers and sisters, my village of “parents” and aunts/uncles, cousins and the like.  I have your back, and I know you have mine.

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My mental health.

On the off chance you weren’t aware, I have some mental health issues.  Once I learned that it didn’t mean that I was in any way broken or defective, once I understood that like a physical health issue, with the right treatments, one can live a reasonably normal and healthy life.

While I do reasonably well coping with my depression and anxiety, I sometimes need help.  This happened recently.

Right after Jen and I came home from our honeymoon, I seemed to have dove head first into a really deep funk.  And like the frog in the pot of water where the heat is slowly turned up, you don’t always realize the predicament you are in until it’s way past where you yourself can do anything.  At first, I dismissed the observations of others who asked if I was ok or noted I didn’t seem myself.

Finally, after some long talks with my wonderful wife, I did see how I was struggling and sought out some professional help.  

While I still, obviously, am having some insomnia issues, my paranoia, anxiety and depression have decreased.   I am doing things I enjoy doing (reading) and hopefully back into a decent home/work rhythm.  

I say all this because it can happen to anyone at any time.  Don’t let it overwhelm or consume you.  Seeking help, talking to a professional therapist, counselor or psychologist is not weakness.  

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Role reversal

I have talked about this before; but damn, taking on the role of caretaker, guardian, chauffeur and all of the other things that our parents did for us when we were young, because now they are old and not as strong physically or their endurance is low, they have ailments that limit or prevent them from doing some things...damn that shit is exhausting.

Love my parents, but...love my parents.

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Ok, my head is starting to slow down, my eyes are narrowing as my kids grow heavy; I think it is time to try for some sleep.

I hope to publish this soon and maybe even have some actual ideas for more focused and debatable topics arise in the near future.

Look forward to comments, thoughts and such.  Those help spark ideas as well.